Okay, Mr Paul King (who is actually a Miss) has asked me to update my details because they're slightly out of date.

He/she's not wrong (well if you've seen him, he's ALL wrong, with his left leg being almost a metre longer than his other left leg, you have to appreciate what an exciting stride pattern he has). Anyway, I digress. But as regular readers will know, digressing is what I do best. That, and scrambled eggs. On that subject, does everyone end up with lots of water in the bottom of the pan? Shirley does. it frustrates me as she just serves it up and I end up with soggy toast. I think she needs to cook it longer whilst avoiding burning. Am I right?

[Come on, stay focused - Ed.]

Okay, okay. Some slight changes since the last entry. I have a new job, house, car, friends, family and...country.

When I say family, I obviously have the same core family (me, Shirl and the 3 kids) but my outer family has changed, like my brother and....I don't mean my brother has changed. Look, it's simple, you see that hillock over there, the little hillock?

More specifically, we've moved to Canada!

"Oh Canada, Oh Canada, dum-dum-dum-dum-dah!!"

If anyone knows the words to the national anthem, please drop me a line.

Yes, we live in Sunny/Snowy/Tornado-y/Haily Canada. They (we) have really bizarre weather. The most extreme was in April. It went from +23C to -15 in 24 hours. I never know what underwear to put on as that silk teddy is pathetic at holding body heat. Although it makes a surprisingly good water filter for days in the Amazonian rain forest(must be the tightly-knit fibres).

What else? So, yes, we sold up everything we own in the IOM and flitted across 9 time zones to set up anew. Really impressed so far (not to say the IOM isn't heaven, it is. It's like Michael Parkinson, old and craggy but fine for a picnic, up near his eyebrows).

Last night, Went down to the River Valley (imagine Molly Quirks glen replacing the swamps with fine lawns, smooth pathways, lots of facilities and making it about 40 miles long). Shirley on Rollerblades has to be seen.

The kids love it, me and the wife love it so you're all cordially invited to come and visit. You'll all of course be staying in Toronto (4000 miles east) but just having you all near will be so entralling.

Ever bump into anyone from school you haven't seen for years in a pub? Wait for them to say "we had some laughs, didn't we?" and just say "no". And then leave. Maybe throw a beer mat at their friend first.