Colloquialisms

I was chatting on MSN this morning and found myself using the phrase "he could always kip down" meaning "he could go to sleep".

Now, in my tenure in Canada I have adapted. Being of high intellect, I am able to speak Canadianese. It's like English but with far fewer words and no slang (apart from adding 'eh' to everything).

But Shirley (being a woman) struggles. An example:

Our car was getting fixed, so Shirley rang a friend and asked if she could "bum a lift". There are so many reasons a Canadian wouldn't understand this not least of which is that Shirley has a manx/yorkshire accent.

So, not unexpectedly, her friend didn't understand.

At which point, Shirley's brilliant strategy for dealing with the vocab. limited Canadians kicks in. She just speaks slower and louder.

"CAN - I - BUM - A - LIFT"

It's hysterical.

Before they die, everyone should see the look of total confusion on a Canucks face with Shirley shouting the following:

"WIND - YOUR - NECK - IN" (i.e. calmn down)
"SHE'S - POTS - FOR - RAGS" (i.e. she's mentally deranged)
"CHIPS - AND - MUSHY - PEAS - PLEASE" (no known translation)

Sometimes, she finishes her bizarre phrase as though it will become self explanatory. For example, if someones pant leg didn't meet their shoe (thereby revealing sock):

"Put jam on shoes" says Shirley
"Ugh?" replies the Canadian
"(sigh) Put some jam on your shoes and invite your trousers down for tea" she says, somehow explaining all.
"Ugh?" repeats the Canadian

But I will give her credit. She decided early on to remain true to her heritage and remains uncompromised. Me? I'm a total sell out. That's it for now, I gotta put out the trash, eh!