Shaven Ravers? No thanks

Celeste - one of brightest and most promising of the uni-named Porn Queens on the planet.

But what will she be remembered for? Her early work with the Mickey Mouse club? Unlikely, Britney and Christina have too long overshadowed her exploits there.

Her flings with Charlie Sheen? Unfortunately, his reinvention as TV Evangelist "Mrs Beachams" has relegated her to merely an embarrassing stain on his otherwise squeaky-clean persona.

Or maybe she won't be remembered at all. Porn Queens fade faster than a tattoo done with a cheap biro on a Greek chick in a sauna.

So, in a bizarre new twist, Celeste has signed up with Dr. Edgar Lampgrabber, eminent skin-graft expert to stars. His balding reversal techniques have been used extensively by celebrities such as Elton and Billie Piper and have thrust him, arse first, into the public-eye.

And now his magic is being applied to....the chin of Celeste.

Chin!? Indeed, after discussion with her bisexual agent J.K.Rowling, she's decided to relaunch her career as The First Bearded Lady of Porn.

Nope.

Sorry.

I've run dry. I can't continue with this stupid story. And just in case you weren't sure, it's not true. I made it up.

But it really does make you think, would anyone pay to see a gorgeous, voluptuous porn star with a beard?

No.