Happy Halloween

"Halloween is here again, dum, dum, du, de, dah" as the old song goes.

Actually, I made that up.

But Halloween is here again. Shouts of Hop-Tu-Naa haven't gone down well but I'm gonna keep trying. Girls are dressing up for our wander rounds the streets in search of Candy. Of course, I will be throwing away all the Candy they get and refurbishing them with new, vacuum sealed Candy from WalMart. You never know what kind of sicko's might be handing out sweets.

In other news....I did fit a new, programmable thermostat today. In a place that can get down to -45C heating efficiency is my watchword(s). "Is my watchwords"? I bet no-one in the history of the world has ever put those three words together.

Sausage happen causality. There's another unlikely trio of letter formations.

Please, please send in any other sentences and I will "publish the clams". Another beauty.

Anyhoo. I'm gonna look into putting some photos on this here blog tomorrow in work (which I hate) at the particular request of Paul King. Who doesn't seem to believe I have actuallly left the IOM.

Honestly Paul, I'm not avoiding you, I really have left (Douglas).

Sausage happen causality? Nope, that one's been done.

George W. Bunge

Late breaking news...

Haven't posted for over two years. Oops.

So what's new. Not to say I ranted about this first, but there were reports today that over 100,000 civilians have been killed in iraq since the start of the war. The majority killed by the American military.

It's kind of frightening living next door to Satan and his band of merry men.


Onto lighter stuff now:

My job sucks. Really. I really, really hate it. I was in a meeting Wednesday with 8 of our staff. Apparently, next wednesday, the Batch Invoice Close function is rolled out live across Alberta. Someone asked if it's been fully tested, and with a straight and yet angry face, I said I hadn't actually started writing it yet. A couple of the staff in there looked appalled.

This is a big, big process. This makes Invisimail look organized. My boss really didn't understand why I was so angry. In fact, he said "I don't understand what the problem is". Ah, well. I'll have to get another job. This one sucks.

Love

Kathryn

Winter Wonderland

Just a quick post. Our local TV station has just announced a snow warning. Between 10 and 20 cm of snow will be dumped on Edmonton in the next 18 hours. And apparently, you shouldn't go anywhere tomorrow unless you're prepared to spend the night.

So my Time Travelling activities will need to be postponed.

Love and Kisses

Imelda

Time Travel - The Early Experiments

Ok. I've made some progress.

I've divided my experiments into the two obvious types; travelling forwards and travelling backwards in time.

Thought I'd try going forwards first as, to be honest, I've seen the past and although it was okay I've always generally hoped the future would be better.

So last night, I spent all evening building a Time Machine (mainly as I haven't used my new, laser guided electric saw for over a week). It's mostly made from bits of wood that I didn't use in the basement construction project and some cardboard. The steering while is the lid of a casserole dish.

Once finished, I climbed in and put it into "forward" gear (how does that work? need to know basis here I'm afraid) and waited for the blur.

Nothing much happened at first, in fact it was quite a let down. Shirley came down a couple of times and just shook her head at me (although she was kind enough to bring coffee).

So I'm sat there in my Time Machine getting quite bored, I was going to give it up (as I was feeling very tired). Next thing I remember is everything going black. Then, I find myself in the future!!!

(side note: I tell you something, this time travel leaves you really dazed and confused and does mad things to your hair. I also had a quilt wrapped round me which was strange)

So I ran outside and grabbed hold of the first passer-by I could find (the Ukrainian lady who lived/lives/will live next door was watering her plants. "What date is it?" I cried "Do you still speak English? What is the year?!" I must have seemed a crazy man in just my under garments!

It seems I had only travelled forward one earth calendar day (8 hours to be precise). But still!I was Euphoric! Success on the first attempt! But what a result.

But now I have mixed emotions. I feel out-of-time, as if I don't belong here in the future. Although I have made some good friends, I'm not sure if I should stay or attempt the return journey? I guess I should, Shirley A will be missing me terribly. Travelling backwards in time will be my weekend project.

The future has, so far, impressed me. TV programs are very similar but iPods are smaller. It also seems to rain more but it's probably too early to make such sweeping statistical analyses.

Next stop: Last Week!

Time Travel

Thanks to Mr King, I now (apparently) have to produce quality postings to
satisfy the void left by Mr Hall.

So where to begin? Being expected to produce quality puts a certain amount of
pressure on one.

How about Time Travel? What's that about?

Travelling in Time? Are we actually expected to believe that? That you can move
from one time period to another without moving in physical space? Yeah, right.

I mean, if you did move in time (but not space) then the Earth would have moved
in the interval and you'd end up in the void. Without a Spacesuit. Not pleasant, I can tell you.

And even if you did get the spatial coordinates right, you'd still have to reappear in place of whatever matter was in that position. Air? No problem. A wicker patio table? A little more challenging. How about one of those enamel Dalmations you can get in Art Stores? It's just stupid.

I'm not sure exactly who is supposed to have done this (NASA perhaps) but I find it highly unlikely. I think it would have been on the BBC News if something this important had been done for real. Maybe the BBC don't think it's that important? Or they did report it and I was out?

Although in theory, it should be possible to Travel in Time. There's no law of physics that says you can't. Or maybe there is. I don't really know, I hadn't really considered it until just now.

I'm gonna have to do some research into Time Travel and get back to you.

Yours in some confusion.

Michael

Sorry seems to be the best gossip

My good friend and colleague Paul (paulking.blogspot.com) posted an apology to his wife for his drunken antics over the weekend.

C'mon Paul. You can't tell the world you're truly sorry and then NOT tell us what you're truly sorry for! We all know you're a complete w*nker when you're drunk, we can't be shocked. Like when you told Shirley to "get a job you lazy bitch" even though our youngest was only 9 months old. Laugh? We nearly shat. If we hadn't all been secretly laughing at you for peeing your beige slacks we'd have been upset (he didn't really, although he did have some Calzone Milanese on his shirt).

And on the subject of my previous post, I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 last night AFTER I did my rant.

If I posted my rant now it would not be quite as pro-american.

That's all really.

I hate Americans...

...and the British by association.

Hindsight is 20-20 as the saying goes, but anyone who votes for Bush/Blair in the NEXT elections is a complete ****. Fortunately, this excuses the Manx of any responsibility.

What's the biggest human tragedy in the last 5 years? (I'm gonna put aside the BIG tragedies like Rwanda as I don't even pretend to understand what's going on there).

Aside from Emma Bunton going solo, most (American) people would say 9/11. Mmm, 3000 deaths, that's a lot. My heart goes out to their families. Truly.

However, properly researched, but impossible to prove figures, put the number of deaths in Afghanistan + Iraq at over 50,000.

50,000?

Fifty goddamn thousand? And they're no where near finished.

Look it up on the internet, there's numerous resources. Even Donald Rumsfelt said recently that US Forces had killed between 1500 and 2500 last month. Last Month? That 1,000 difference they're not sure about, were they black or something? Didn't they matter?

Actually, 2801 died at the WTC. Not 2,800, or somewhere around three thousand, or quite a few. Exactly and precisely 2801.

And yet in Iraq/Afghanistan they don't even know how many died to the nearest 10,000. What a bunch of wankers.

Now I'm not actually anti-war. Or a pacifist. Britain against an invading Argentina? Two big grown up countries slugging it out for territory? Fine, crack on (although I noticed America didn't help us).

But the World's Only Superpower (with some beefy mates) beating the shit out of two of the shitest countries in the world? Pathetic.

Are you trying to tell me that Saddam would have killed more than 50,000 before he was killed? Not a chance in hell. He couldn't even gas anyone anymore, he didn't have the stuff.

I think you'll find plenty of other countries treat their people worse than Iraq did. But take on China? Eff that, let's all have an Olympics and F1 Grand Prix and be bestest friends.

Bottom line. Bush is a mass murderer who flaunts the Geneva Convention and the will of the UN. And Britain follows.



On a sidenote: I see a lot of American TV now. And something doing the rounds at the moment is an advert for a Silver Dollar made from silver fragments found at Ground Zero of the WTC.

The coin is solid silver, each one hand-crafted. Only 2801 will be made. They are to be sold for $50,000 a piece and all the proceeds are going to benefit the familes who lost loved ones.

No, no, no. That's completely wrong. We're talking about America.

It's actually only silver plated (i.e. it's a piece of cheap shit.)

And you can buy one for a mere $19.99! Is that a bargain or what? But wait for it, if you ring within 30 minutes of the advert and have your Credit Card ready you can have it for the knock down price of only $7.99 (+ P&P), yes, you heard right, $7.99! And they'll throw in a presentation case! That's a $20 value!!! No charity, no kiss my ass, nothing.

For God almighty's sake, can Americans actually BE any more crass?

Now that's a rant.

You know you don't live in Greeba when...

I thought I'd mention a few things that really bring home the North American experience.

Firstly, who watches(ed) Friends? Well, it's weird to be driving along and see a huge billboard advertising Joey (from Friends), "Coming this Fall on Cable". Billboards for things other than the Steam Packet and Mann Travel are rare back home.

Driving on the right, nuff said.

Tornado warnings on TV.

Snow in September.

Basements. It's just like a big room, but underground. Actually, it's not like that, it actually is that.

Really big portions of stuff. Although McDonalds portions are still pellet sized. Weird.

When your kids say "Britney was eating candy at recess" and there's no innuendo involved.

When the first thing you look for on a new TV is whether it takes a PAL signal so you can play your goddamn XBox again.

House doors don't have letterboxes. You don't get your mail delivered to your house. Our postbox is at the end of our road in the big-mailboxes-for-the-whole-road-thing.

CSI is the only thing on TV. And Everyone Loves Raymond.

I may add some more tomorrow, but for now I have to hit the Freeway (that's a BIG road).

Love

Colin

Power Tools

So I've started work on my basement. You don't have those in the UK, it's like a cellar with a pool table and a sofa.

It's really good fun actually, it's (obviously) the same size as your house but empty. You get to put up walls wherever you like (but you can't move the staircase). So my failed architect longings are coming through.

I went to Rona (like B&Q) and bought a saw. It's a power saw. AKA a mitre saw. With a laser guide on it. You put the wood in, dial in the angles and cut the wood. Bloody brilliant. You know when you were younger and your father said "son, only a bad workman blames his tools". Bollocks.

Get a power saw, a battery drill and a power screw driver and anything is possible. I'm gonna build a bike next. Out of wood of course.

My plan for the basement is a couple of bedrooms, a gym, a music room and then the rest is open space, perfect for my ping-pong table and a projection TV. We're only a month or so away from the snow so it's time to get all the home comforts sorted.

And that's it. A short (but sweet) update which actually tells you something about my life.

Word for the day: Bollocks.