Athletic Prowess

Now I'm not one to bragg. Mmmm. Apparently I am.

Start again.

Hey, I love to bragg. I'm not even sure how you spell brag? How dumb is that.

Anyway, I thought I'd post this to make up for Mr Kings poor showing.

So....

I go swimming a lot now. Being told I had life threatening high blood pressure (well, actually the doc said I was a bit lardy) has really forced me to do something about it.

So I swim a lot. I go to one of the Community pools. It's nice, but there's no real competitive swimmers there, so I'm (basically) the best. None of those fat, old, chinks are even close. No offence.

Tonight, I dive in and get to work. Out of interest, I can generally churn out about 80 lengths of an evening. Read it and weep - 80!!! I am a God!

I've done about 10 lengths, all freestyle (crawl in limey-speak) when I start to realise that there is this guy in the next lane doing pretty much the same level of work as me. I figure he'll tire pretty soon so think nothing of it and keep going (I normally rest every 10 lenghts).

But he doesn't. 20 lengths into it and I'm starting to need a breather, but this guy is still pounding up and down the pool.

At 30 lengths I'm dying but my pride (as Lord of the Community Pool) keeps me going. A few lengths later I just have to stop, defeated.

Gasping for air, I look over to catch a glimpse of my Nemesis. And then I realise, there's three guys in the next lane. THEY WERE TAKING IT IN TURNS.

Wankers.

What can I say...

...that hasn't already been said?

How about "Oh, Cordial? It's nice to waft in between a jar or two of the old lime variety"

You see, that's never been said. Which is odd, coz it's seems a perfectly sane thing to say. And yet, if you put it into google (an internet search engine located in Norwich) you get no results at all. Not a sausage.

The point of todays sermon? Nothing. It's just that I got a mention on Mr Kings page (click me) so I thought I'd better come up with something witty.

On failing that, I thought I'd come up with some total drivel.

So, that's it. Not much to say.

Weather on this side of the globe is a little grey today. But hey, at least it's not raining. On the plus side, the Isle of Man does have more Castles.

And the Lord knows I'm not one to complain but an Indian takeaway or two wouldn't hurt.

Hmph. That really was it.

Love

Colonel Petersborough

Prejudice and Tolerance

As you get older, you like less and less stuff; foreigners, junk food and rap music nonsense to name but a few.

And yet, I feel I'm getting more tolerant. A paradox? No! Or maybe it is. Who knows or cares?

Obviously you do or you'd have clicked on www.poo-bridges.com by now.

For example; although I'm dead against [insert deviant behaviour here] I've nothing against other people engaging in said behaviour. Just not in my bathroom. Or fridge. Or pants.

I think there comes a time in life when you can separate your general principles from your immediate ones.

Take students. I've mentioned before, they are a bunch of whingers (yes Dave, you). They want free education now and yet they won't let other people use their Mercedes when they're 40.

On the other hand, I know if I was a student, I'd take everything I could get my hands on now and then move my millions to Switzerland and go and live in Cyprus.

So, have I achieved a Nirvana-like state where I can simultaneoulsy hold multiple, contrary beliefs?

Or am I just shallow and superficial? And stupid? And a big dumbass?

I'm going with dumbass.


Yours

Alice-in-charge-of-the-dog


p.s. Having just re-read my blog, I find it unbalanced, pointless and almost entirely without merit or meaning. I told you I'd improve.

Balance

Ok, apologies for that last blog. But you've got to start somewhere.

Today's sermon shall be on Balance.

I have just, this minute, put an empty can of Sprite in my trash can (or rubbish box, or whatever you limeys call it). Had a Canadian/American/Australian seen this act, then they would have raised their hands to God and pronounced a curse on me. You see, in the above mentioned 'white' peoples countries, recycling is the name of the game. Cans are recycled to save the planet. Hu-bloody-rrah!

Commendable? Somewhat. You see, I look out of my window at work and I have a glorious view of the carpark. Stuffed to overflowing with automobiles with enormous engines. My own auto (or car) has a 3.3 Litre engine. Just below average in size. A 6 Litre engine wouldn't be considered outrageous. A Ford Ka with an nippy 1100 engine? No such thing.

Firstly, what the f*ck do they need such big engines for? There's no hills and the speed limit is 60 kph (about 10 mph). They just pump this shit into the atmosphere because the engines sound nice. Get a CD of 'famous automobile sounds' for Gods sake. Green house gases are screwing the planet as we speak. Total effect of unrecycled Tin cans on the planet - zero. Bugger all. Nada.

You see, no balance.


But mostly, I hate celebrities (the whole balance thing has gone now, this is just a rant).

I hate em with a passion. Take the Oscars for instance. Someone can lie convincingly (at least once out of 50 takes) on screen and they give him a gold statue and 3 billion TV viewers cheer.

What do programmers get? F*ck all. Johnny Depp is 'gifted' and all and yet I'd make a better job of Pirates of the Caribean than he would of writing a Payroll system.

I remember in the good old days when Celebrities (or Minstrels/Bards as they were known) were grateful for an audience, some scraps of bread and a barn to sleep in for the night. Wankers.

You see, no balance.

Oh, and much respect to Ali G for upsetting the Americans (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/050113/325/fa7in.html)

Lizards!!!!

Fable

In a fit of desperation, I thought I'd write a new blog entry.

Firstly, gaming news...

I played Fable for the last 3 nights. Now, I'm not a Molyneux fan, so I wasn't expecting too much. He has always overhyped his games. You see, I loved Populous, brilliant, revolutionary. But everything that came after it was just a rehash, even the late great Black and White. But I'm digressing. Then again, Molyneux is more of an executive rather than hands-on in Fables case.

Hence, I was pleasantly surprised at how good Fable was. Good? Wonderful. Now I resent renting it as I had to give it back. Now I have to do spreadsheets to figure out whether to continue 'leasing' it from Blockbuster or to consider my outlay so far as R&D and just buy the game.

Highlights:
Deliberately breaking wind in order to influence people.
The fighting is very good
The places are tremendous. As shirley said, kinda like the nunnery grounds on a sunny day
If the frame-rate was higher I'd say it was the best graphics I'd yet seen on the XBox.

Lowlights:
As Ady says, probably a little short. But nice to have in the collection in case you wanted to go for a walk down the nunnery and you lived on another Continent.


On other news; I've asked my bosses to send me on an accounting course. They said yes. I can't wait.

Chicken Chaser (it's a quote from Fable)