Kelly does the Double!!

And, for once, I'm not referring to a sexual act, I'm talking about my pal, Kelly Holmes who has done so well in winning the Gold at both 800m and 1500m at the Olympic Challenge (it appears to be a new mini-series on Channel 4 from what I can gather).

Kelly is one of those athletes who seems to have been around for years (without actually winning anything as such) so it was nice to see her come good.

On other Olympic news, Canada suck the big donkey. As you can iminage there's all sorts of post-mortems going on over here about why we are performing fellatio on a sizeable mule.

Did you know that a Horse crossed with a Donkey is a mule? Yes? Most people do. But that's only when the Horse is female and the Donkey is male. The other way round produces a Hinny (or vice versa, who can be arsed checking the accuracy of any of my statements).

Anyhoo, Mules/Hinnies don't qualify as true species as they can't reproduce. They are (mostly) sterile. Weird eh?

What else? Mmmm, how about a bit of quantum physics? That's what I 'm currently studying and it's very hard, although not as hard as some of my fellow "students" have expressed. They are finding it hard to reconcile the quantum world (especially atomic energy levels being quantized) with what they know about in real life. Not a problem for me as my grasp on real life is tenuous to say the least. I'll pretty much believe anything anyone tells me.

Did you know that Mormons believe that God is actually a bloke from another planet who has become Godlike coz he was a good boy on the last planet he lived on. Therefore, so it goes, if Mormons are good here, they in turn will get to be Gods over another planet at some later date. It's absolutely true, look it up, f**king insane or what?

Mind you, it's just as likely as that quantum shite, did I tell you about that?

[pause for breath]

Going to see the knee surgeon tomorrow, pretty quick eh? Update will follow.

And a big thanks to Mr King for posting my (late as usual) OU stuff.

Er, I've finished.

Go on, p*ss off.

Olympic Rant

I have a few rants about the Olympics...

Firstly, did you see the two top officials at the opening? I'm particularly referring to the pretty woman in the figure hugging white dress. Everything about her was perfect...

...except that she had a giant head! It must have been a good two foot wide and over six hundred foot high! Unbelievable, I can't believe she wasn't made of butter.

I was shocked and offended especially with Greece denying the use of Horse Growth Hormones. I think this woman shows proof enough.


Secondly, while watching the teams parading around I was appalled at the size of Britains team. Tiny. Canada had over 250 competitors, Japan had 400 and the USA had 14,233. All roughly in ratio to population. But Britain only had about 20. What's that nonsense all about? I would rant more except that India (second most populous country in the world) only had a team of 3 - a gay, a woman and a mental. I mean, come on, what's that about?

I'll have to go and lie down, I'm feeling very stressed.

Choo choo

Free Porn

Not free porn as such, just the usual ramblings of a 30something, fat, balding, impotent, incompentant, nincompoop.

I don't (yet) have internet access at work. And I have all these great ideas for my blog until I get home. Oh well...

Things going fine here. Did I mention I had high blood pressure. Really high. 155/103 which is heart attack region. That was a month ago, I took the test in the pharmacy (as we call them in North America) while I was getting my knee seen to. I nearly shat my pants.

To cut a long story short....I've cut right back on my eating (as I don't drink or smoke). A typical day for me.

Breakfast: nothing
Morning: Coffee with no milk + sweetener
Lunch: 2 pieces of bread with mackerel between. No mayo, just vinegar.
Afternoon: Bananana
Tea: Boiled rice, raisins, green pepper + a little hoisin sauce.

People who can't lose weight are just poofs. It's easy, just stop eating. And when your knees are thicker than your thighs, it's time to eat cake again.

That's it.

Suffice to say, three weeks later, my BP is now around 130/80. So time to send for a chinese takeaway!!! Hurrah!!

What else? Mmmm, just been out for a cycle, it's very hot. My tan/melanoma is coming along well.

Work is somewhat improving. But I'm thinking of becoming a porn-stud, what do you think? I don't know what the big deal is about an 8" slong. Mine's at least 8.5" (" means centimetres, right?)

So I'm looking for an adult video company that will treat me as an individual and not just as a machine. Offers appreciated.

Frau Bierhoffer

Lightning!

Again.

Anyway, moving swiftly on.

Work, is there anything good to say about working for a living? No.

To improve my days, I'm currently downloading some Steve Martin and Robin Williams audio comedy. I've listened to my Monty Python and Derek & Clive almost too much.

Big meeting tomorrow to discuss the bit of system I'm taking over. There's about 100k lines of unstructured code. Anything other than "feel free to re-write it, Michael, see you next Easter" and I'm walking. Well, maybe not walking, but you know what I mean.

Although, I (successfully) demonstrate my plugin philosophy today (aka DLLs). They were impressed, I could tell.

Salmon